Back to the Blog

After months of going silent...I am back!!! I would blog on my website (see previous post) but I don't remember my passowrd :/ Anyway, so here I am. I can't tell you how many posts I have written only to delete them. It has been like therapy though -- but you know what, I should probably press "post" - I have been thinking lots about the kids and wanting them to remember me now...if that makes sense. So, I figure a blog that captures my thoughts, feelings, our memories, etc would serve them well in the future. One of the things I recently blogged about (and then deleted) was this internal struggle to be a super successful career woman, and yet to be an awesome, engaged, involved SAMH type (without being a SAHM). I don't even know how to retype it all, but basically the jist was, how do I get over the guilt with career when I leave the office eaerly, or work from home to attend a kid activity, or to simply be in my own home with my kids because I miss them? And on the flip side, how to I get over the guilt of kids when I have a late meeting and I know they are in childcare for 10+ hours or haven't seen me in 2+ days? *sigh* I guess my real confession is...I don't feel guilty for either one (most of the time). It is what it is, right? I'm not jipping anyone - I truly value my carrer, my job, etc, and do my damnest while I'm working. And same with parenting. I love my kids more than...well you know if you are a parent how you love them so much it is indescribable? Yeah, that. And just because I want career success, it doesn't mean I am any less available, engaged, in-love, or what-have-you with my kids, right? I guess I can feel the way I do, the true question will be - what will my kids think or feel when they look back? And THAT, my friends, is why I am blogging again. So they know where their crazy mama was coming from all these young years of their life.